Screaming for Silence
by Runaway Shadow
Summary: A short Jaina vignette set during the NJO. Very dark.


[b] Disclaimer: [/b] I don't own Star Wars or the characters. It belongs to the great GL. I'm not making money of this, I'm writing for fun! :) A part of a song, shown below, also doesn't belong to me. Its part of a song called [b] Deliver me by Sarah Brightman [/b]  
  
[b] Timeframe: [/b] New Jedi Order, a few years after Traitor. Spoilers up to Traitor  
  
[b] Rating: [/b] PG-13   
  
[b] Author's note: [/b] This is a very dark vignette. If you don't like the idea of suicide or dark story's, in this case very dark stories, I suggest you turn around now [face_grin] This is the product a day full of headache's and blues [face_devil] I just couldn't help myself.  
  
  
  
[b] Screaming for silence [/b]  
  
  
She had an olive brown skin, dark long hair sprawled around her head like a crown,   
golden earrings in her ears and part of a broken amfistaff sticking out of her abdomen.  
Her soul had left her body for days now, but her presence was still felt when you looked at her and remembered what she once was, a little girl full of live. A shadow of what she's now. Now she was one of the many, many nameless dead beings lying dead in a field. Killed by the Yuuzhan Vong because they were useless to them.  
  
  
She was in contrast with the young woman, standing on the cliff that wasn't far from where the little girl was lying, nameless in the field of dead. Beautiful purple mountains hovering high above the field and the cliff. The New Republic soldiers were laying the dead in large black body bags, giving them a number. They didn't bother to look at the young woman who stood on the edge of the cliff, a cliff that led to rocks and a light green sea. Waves crashed against the cliffs, like they could push the cliff aside.  
  
  
I looked from the sea and the mountains to the soldiers working in the field. I recognized the looks on their faces, even on alien faces. It was not hard; it was a look I carried myself. It's an empty look, a look that closed the scene before them of. Acting automatically. One that said we are beyond felling pain. Many had, like me, built a wall around themselves. An empty look, a look that closed the scene before them of. Acting automatically. One that said we are beyond feeling pain. Many had, like me, built a wall around themselves to keep emotions out.  
  
  
I know you are wondering who I am. I will tell you. I'm Jaina Solo, captain Jaina Solo actually, but that doesn't matter anymore. Once I had a large family. But they are like the girl in the field, a shadow of what they once were. When they died, killed by the Yuuzhan Vong, a part of me died with them. With their deaths I entered a new era in my life. Since then I can't stop falling, everywhere I go I hear their voices, not only of my family, but also the voices of my friends. My best friend and lover Kyp. Jag, once my lover then my friend. Wedge, my superior officer.   
  
  
The wind played with my hair while I watched soldiers work. One looked up from his work, putting a Bothan male in a black body bag and tagging the body with a number, and looked at me. It took him a moment to recognize me, but when he did a questioning look crawled on his face. He left his work and walked towards me. Probably to stop me from what I was planning. But I couldn't let him. "You cannot save me," I said out loud, causing several more people to look up from their work, "I am beyond saving."   
I know you won't agree with me, taking my own life. But it's the only thing left for me to do. Once I would have said we choose our own destiny, but when the Yuuzhan Vong entered this galaxy, mine was chosen for me. But destiny or no destiny, I will not die at the Yuuzhan Vong's hand. I will not give them that pleasure. Only I decide how and when I die.  
  
  
After the words left my mouth, I let myself fall from the cliff into the darkness of the green sea below me. With that action the chains of destiny let me fall from their grip.  
  
  
My soul screamed for the silence, but before I reached that silence memories flashed in my mind. Jacen and me. Anakin and me. Me and my brothers, playing.   
More memories flashed before my eyes. Mom and Dad. Chewbacca repairing the Flacon. Uncle Luke and aunt Mara. Aunt Mara cradling little Ben in her arms.   
  
  
My soul kept screaming for silence while I fell, but it felt like I was falling in slow motion. I saw the edges of the cliff, no half way above me along with surprising faces.  
  
  
I closed my eyes, more memories. Me and Kyp making love. Jag sitting in his clawcraft.   
Anakin's last stand. Kyp dying in my arms. The Flacon blowing up after sabotage.   
The Vong invading Naboo and killing Jag. I opened my eyes to take a last look at the galaxy, the dark sky above me, triple moons high above me. I closed them again, for the last time and sucked in my last breath. I can't stop falling. I'll find you after the fall.  
  
  
  
The soldier could help but gasp as he saw the body of the young captain hit the rocks below and then fall into the green sea. Her body was swallowed instantly to never resurface again. He shook his head and wished he would have the courage to take his own life. After a moment of silence he went back to work.   
  
Not long after the young captain had taken her own life, the galaxy fell into darkness. They could no longer fight the thread that had come from outside their know galaxy so long ago. The galaxy fell into darkness yet again. It would take many more years for another hero to rise and rid the galaxy of this evil called the Yuuzhan Vong.  
  
  
[i] Deliver me, out of my sadness.   
Deliver me, from all of the madness.   
Deliver me, courage to guide me.   
Deliver me, strength from inside me [/i] 


End file.
